


sick

by jinyoungscake



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Filk, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Songfic, jinson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinyoungscake/pseuds/jinyoungscake
Summary: jinyoung can’t get over jackson’s death until someone pays him a personal visit.side jjpi don’t think it’s as angsty as the tags make it seem
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	sick

jinyoung couldn’t breathe. his heartbeat rang loud in his ears as he failed to put his lungs to use. pain ran throughout his body and he tried to scream from the aching in his heart, but only managed to make choked sounds as tears ran down his cheeks.

_“jinyoung-ah!” the man yelled with a bright smile on his face. “jinyoung-ah! jinyoungie!” he giggled which soon erupted into a high pitched laughter._

“jinyoung!”

he was unable to make anyone out of the blurry figure in front of him. his vision flooded with tears and he felt himself drowning. the abyss of darkness was swallowing him whole and jinyoung’s body shook frantically as he felt himself slowly drift away from consciousness.

_“jinyoung-ah! i was wondering when you’d visit me again!” jackson waved happily._

_he was standing in the middle of a field, surrounded by beautiful flowers and grass that had yet to be cut. “seun-ah” jinyoung whispered. he felt tears prick at the corners of his eye from the sight of jackson before him._

_he quickly blinked away the tears, hoping to hide all the evidence of sadness in his eyes._

_“i missed you,” jackson said, grinning hard._

_jinyoung felt a lump rise in his throat from the words. “i missed you more,” he choked. his chest felt constricted and his heart longed for the other._

_there was a slight breeze in the warm air that managed to make the sparkle in jackson’s eyes shine brighter. he could only watch as the wind pushed the light sunkissed brown hair back slightly, flowing beautifully. just like jackson._

_jinyoung took a step forward, trying to lessen the gap between the two._

_“not yet, jinyoung-ah,” he smiled and stood there in his large soft purple sweater and light blue jeans._

_however, the urge to scream his feelings was too strong to resist. he was unable to hold back what he truly wanted to know. “why did you leave me, jackson? why do i still suffer because of you?”_

_jackson didn’t even flinch as the pained words escaped jinyoung’s mouth. he just simply listened. “it wasn’t my fault jinyoung. it wasn’t anyone’s,” he stated._

_jinyoung fell onto his knees, silently sobbing, his hair covering his eyes. “it wasn’t your fault jinyoung,” jackson said, voice calm._

_“i know,” he sobbed, not sounding entirely convinced with himself._

_“no you don’t. that’s why you can’t say it to my face,” jackson chuckled. his voice sounded so peaceful, so familiar, so… like home. god jinyoung missed him._

_he missed everything._

_tears continued to roll down his cheeks. he was unable to speak or move as his breath got caught in his lungs. he tried to manage speaking a few words with every inhale. “i’m sorry jackson,” he breathed deeply. “i-i-“_

_“shhh, breathe,” jackson said and he felt a hand rubbing across his back. “it’s not your fault, i said this already,”_

_jinyoung shook his head. his hair still covered his eyes but it was easy to see that he was crying from the way his shoulders shook with unstable breathing. he tried to calm himself down but it only made him shake harder._

_“if i would’ve-,” he tried to breathe out._

_he couldn’t breathe. jinyoung couldn’t breathe. just thinking about that day still hurt more than anything. if he would’ve paid more attention and it haunted him everyday._

* * *

_the radio was playing a song that both of them knew and liked, older but still a classic hit. they were on their way to visit jinyoung’s sisters, who were about an hour drive on the interstate. “god, does that idiot know how to drive?!” complained jinyoung._

_the car diagonal from them sped and pressed hard on the gas. it was alarming to watch as the car approached a speed of at least over 100mph. in the rear view mirror, jinyoung could see the car swerving from it’s lane. a bead of sweat rolled down from his neck in nervousness._

_“should we pull over?” jinyoung asked, worry showing in his eyes._

_“no it’ll be fine. we’re only ten minutes from your sister’s exit anyways.” said jackson from the passenger side. jinyoung’s lip formed a thin line but continued to drive, unable to help himself from checking the mirror more sporadically._

_it was when the car was dangerously close, jinyoung made the decision. “i’m just gonna pull over, they’re right behind us now,”_

_“okay, whatever you say princess,” he responded with a teasing tone. jinyoung rolled his eyes as he turned his ticker on to pull over. he began to drift to the outside as the car began to speed up even more._

_“what the fuck?!” cursed jinyoung._

_he pulled the car over in a quick motion, wanting to get away from the idiot as fast as he could. however, jinyoung watched as the car came too close to his. practically following his tail and then that’s when it happened._

_jinyoung couldn’t even register what was happening as the scene unfolded. the car drove straight into jackson’s side, pushing the car forcefully. the door bent as it crashed into jackson, greatly damaging his ribs. jinyoung couldn’t speak from the amount of shock from the situation but he watched the whole thing._

_he watched as jackson’s life was taken from him. it was too sudden and jinyoung could see the fear in his eyes milliseconds before the car had crashed. the force on the car drove them into the grass, flipping them over in the process. jinyoung could no longer see, and he no longer had a reason to anymore. his world was being taken away from him as his body shut down from the impact of the crash._

* * *

_a hand grabbed underneath his chin, pulling his face upwards. jinyoung’s eyes were a red puffy mess, his whole face was swollen._

_“breathe, jinyoung,” jackson said, bending down onto his knees in front of him. jackson’s warm arms began to wrap around him as sobs continued to pour out. all of the breathing attempts before hadn’t worked and only raked out all of his horrifying memories but now, being held in jackson’s warm hold, he felt his breathing slowly go in sync with his._

_jackson exaggerated his own breathing, helping jinyoung match up with his pace. the comfort of being inside of his arms somehow brought a slow stop to his body’s panicking._

_the top of his forehead rested against the strong shoulders. tears slowly dried as he just breathed in the scent of jackson. he missed it so much, it smelt so familiar._

_jinyoung was afraid of slowly forgetting the small things. things like all the ingredients in jackson’s awful morning smoothie, the way he had a habit of running his tongue along his lips instead of putting on actual chapstick, what his favorite brand of green tea was along with all the little things that made up who jackson was._

_he sat there just enjoying the warmth of being held in the arms of the man he loved. “i really miss you jackson. it’s hard to go each day without you,” jinyoung whispered, afraid as if someone else could hear him. “somedays, i can’t even get out of bed. on good days i’m able to live normally with jaebeom by my side but it’s really hard without you there. i love jaebeom, but i can’t give him a perfect relationship. he knows that too. and yet he still stays with me. i don’t get it,”_

_a stray tear fell from his eyes and jackson cupped his face, wiping it with a small smile._

_“i tried to kill myself,” jinyoung said, he’d never admitted it out loud before. “but jaebeom told me how selfish i was for even thinking about it. i guess i shouldn’t hurt anyone like you hurt me,” he chuckled dryly. “but look at me jackson, i’m practically half dead. it’s already been four years. i’ve gone crazy and made up an imaginary version of you in my head,”_

_“who said i was imaginary? of course it’s up to you to believe whatever you want though,” he said smiling. jinyoung gasped and his heart clenched from the possibility. “thank you for being strong,”_

_“i’m not strong, jackson,” he argued. “i can’t go a single day without thinking about you,”_

_“but you’re still living, jinyoung,” jackson replied with a smile still on his face, pushing one of his stray overgrown hairs behind his ear._

_“i’m surviving, not living! i can’t, not without you. just come back somehow or let me come to you,”_

_“you can’t, not yet. you’ll stay with me when it’s your time but you need to live for me,” jackson said and jinyoung couldn’t muster up enough courage to say anything else. he felt jackson’s hands wrap around his own, interlacing their fingers._

_no matter how long it’s been, his heartbeat still sped up from the touch. he was unable to hold back from tearing up once again._

_“i’ll try,” was all jinyoung was able to say._

_“you’ve gotta wake up now, jinyoungie. i didn’t have much time in the first place,”_

_“wait, what? please don’t leave. give me more time at least, please,” he began to sob. his other half was leaving him again._

_“i love you,”_

_“please!”_

_“i love you,” but this time jackson had tears streaming down his face as well. “so much,”_

_“i love you too! don’t go yet!” jinyoung cried and kissed jackson’s lips. the both of their lips touched and collided for the last time as jackson started to fade. his body slowly dissolved into what looked like beautiful lights as they floated into the sky. “goodbye,” whispered jinyoung as his breath quivered._

his eyes felt heavy, his body was stiff as a board, and he wasn’t home. he tried to open his eyes but couldn’t, whether he didn’t have the energy or just didn’t want to wake up to face reality.

“jinyoung? are you awake?” asked a familiar voice. it was small but sounded exhausted from lack of sleep.

“jaebeom,” jinyoung croaked. his throat felt as if it was as dry as sandpaper.

“i’ll get you water, one second,”

jinyoung could hear the frantic steps run down a long hallway. his eyelids were heavy as he pushed them open. the bright white light in the room nearly blinded him. he was in a hospital room. there was an i.v. pushed into his left arm and a nightgown on his body.

jaebeom returned with a sprint and a water bottle in hand. 

“god you scared me shitless,” he said, falling to his knees beside the bed and gripping hard on the hospital clothing wrapped around jinyoung.

taking a quick drink of water, jinyoung replied, “i’m sorry,” with a sad and small smile. “how long have i been here?” he asked bewildered.

“you were out for three days,” said jaebeom, who was resting his head in the resting patient’s lap. there was a comfortable silence as they just stayed there for a few minutes. jinyoung’s hands also found their way to resting on top of the other’s head. “i know it was because of him again. i miss him too you know?”

he sighed deeply replying with a short, “yeah” unsure of what else to say. “i’m sorry,”

“there’s nothing to be sorry for, i loved him too just in a different way. you loved him like how i love you, but it’s okay. i know you love me too,” jaebeom confirmed, voice soft.

“good,” jinyoung stated. after all of this he felt a little lighter than usual. as if a weight had been lifted off of his burdening chest. there was no doubt in his mind that he didn’t love jaebeom, it’s just hard and impossible for him to move on from jackson. fortunately, jaebeom understood this and was willing to walk through it together.

jinyoung knows jackson would have wanted him to live so he will. it doesn’t get any easier bearing with the loss but time can only tell what might happen. maybe jackson will even visit him again every once in a while.

**Author's Note:**

> personally i believe jinyoung went crazy to the point that he made up jackson in his head. his body knew he needed some type of hope to live on so it created jackson and basically gave him his last goodbye that he was never able to get. however, i’m hoping i wrote this in a way where you get to decide if it was imaginary or if jackson actually found him within his afterlife.
> 
> thank you for reading! i read the translations for sick and remember you and somehow came up with this storyline. sorry if it seemed rushed or anything, it was just meant to be a short au. i’m not the proudest of this work but i hope you enjoyed.
> 
> follow me on my twitter @jinyoungscake_ ! i have more ideas in store and i’m going to post them as soon as i figure out how i want my layout to look :)


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